“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”

This is going to be a hard post to write.

You’ve probably already guessed where this is going.

In fact, you’ve probably guessed where these past few months have been going.

Friends, in the last 6 months, in all of 2013, I have posted less than 40 times on this blog. And I don’t like that. I never like feeling like I am not putting my all into something.

I have to be honest with you, this past year, these past few months, and even these past few weeks have not been easy. There have been and will be major changes happening in my life and suddenly the future that I had planned out for myself; graduate, gap year, university, work in publishing… now looks something like this:

Graduate…. ????

Everything I thought I was sure of, I’m not so sure of anymore. A life in publishing is no longer concrete. Would you even believe me if I told you that it’s looking more likely that I’ll become a spy than live in New York City, working for a Big Six? Just the other day my mother told me that if “they” approach me, she would prefer I say no.

Probably not.

But it’s true. Without getting into specifics (because I like to maintain some semblance of privacy), Canada isn’t my real home. And it’s taken me this long to realize it, but it all starting falling into place this spring, when we took our annual trip to visit my dad’s family. I love Canada but this isn’t where I belong, not anymore. Not in New York, either. My dad flew back for my cousin’s wedding this week and I realized that I have never been to a wedding with my family. That made me very sad. I was home alone and I had a two-minute long conversation with my grandmother who lives almost 10 000 kilometres away from me on the anniversary of my grandfather’s death and when I put the phone down I almost burst into tears.

Every year it gets harder to leave and now it’s getting harder to be here. Lately I feel so dissonant, which isn’t even something people are supposed to feel. And this isn’t what you might expect from your typical teenager planning for the future, but everyday I become more and more convinced that the best thing for me to do once I graduate is to pack up and get back home as fast as I can.

But then. What about publishing? 

Well.

I don’t know.

I think I will be content, not blogging. Not working in publishing, if it comes to that. Just reading and writing, reading and writing. That’s who I was before this blog and who I will be after. I don’t think anything could ever change that.

Which is why I don’t feel scared about taking this next step. About taking a leap, rather, into the Great Perhaps and seeing if I make it out alive. I will still read. I will still write. Books will still be there. Words will still be there.

Why do I feel like I have to do this? Blogging makes me happy. Don’t I want to continue doing something that makes me happy?

The answer is that blogging only makes me happy when I do it, not when I abandon it and leave it on the side of the road. This year was busy. Next year will be busier. God willing, I will be part of our school’s peer coach program, I will be organizing our school’s film festival, I will be writing and maybe starring in a mock-umentary that is starting to come together now. I want to try out for the school play and I want to get a solo in a piece next year. I want to finish writing the stories that live inside my head. And I have realized that blogging is no longer my priority as it once was.

Which makes me sad, and I am disappointed in myself that I could not keep up with this, that I could not stick to this. I thought briefly about trying to revive the blog during the summer, but what after that? Just leave again when school starts up? Frantically publish Weekly Watchamacallits in an effort to have just one post?

This has been two years of my life, and I have met a lot of people in that time. It would be entirely remiss if I didn’t thank some of them. Grace, Nafiza, Clementine, April, Amy, Lucy, Racquel, Capillya, and anyone else I’ve even exchanged words with over the last two years. Thanks, really, thanks. You have inspired me, been there on my worst days and my best days. You’ve congratulated me on things and commented on my posts even when they were crappy and I feel lucky that I have been able to share on of my greatest passions with amazing people like you.

But it’s not goodbye. Here’s where I’ll be from now on.

• @reutreads – tweets about high school, books, pop culture, and general life stuff. Sometimes intelligent and sometimes keyboard-smashing.
• You can tweet me for my tumblrs; those are where I post

A) quotes and images I adore,

B) exclusively ATLA and LOK (if you don’t understand these acronyms, don’t worry about it)

C) all media-type things, music, movies, television, etc. or

D) my personal writing

• I’ll still be on Goodreads, and since I am probably physically incapable of keeping my mouth shut about books, my “reviews” (probably just a few lines from now on) will go there directly after I finish a book.

I love you and thanks for sticking with me. It’s the end, but it’s not goodbye. I swear.

Review: Game (Jazz Dent, #2) by Barry Lyga

Billy grinned. “Oh, New York,” he whispered. “We’re gonna have so much fun.”

I Hunt Killers introduced the world to Jazz, the son of history’s most infamous serial killer, Billy Dent.

In an effort to prove murder didn’t run in the family, Jazz teamed with the police in the small town of Lobo’s Nod to solve a deadly case. And now, when a determined New York City detective comes knocking on Jazz’s door asking for help, he can’t say no. The Hat-Dog Killer has the Big Apple–and its police force–running scared. So Jazz and his girlfriend, Connie, hop on a plane to the big city and get swept up in a killer’s murderous game.

Release Date: April 16, 2013
Publisher: Little, Brown BFYR
Edition: Hardcover, 528 pages
Genre: Horror/thriller
Interest: Series
Source: Publisher (Thank you, Kaitlin!)

Every so often, there’s a book. This book… it feels like your entire life, but fictionalized. A few details here and there, but ultimately the story it is trying to tell is one that you know very, very well.

For me, that book was I Hunt Killers, which was about the son of the most notorious serial killer in history. Because only I would be able to relate to the struggle of whether or not you’ll become a serial killer yourself. 

Kidding, kidding! My dad happens to be in the kitchen right now, making chicken and potatoes. We’re relatively boring.

Regardless of my father’s normalcy, I Hunt Killers was one of my favorite reads of 2012. In fact, I didn’t write a review for it; I barely even spoke about it to anyone because I loved it that much. It was my Imperial Affliction, for a while, anyway.

Well, a while passed and I was offered the chance to read the sequel to I Hunt Killers, GAME. It is a testament to how much I love Jazz Dent and his struggles that I was overjoyed to see that it was over 500 pages. When GAME arrived, it took all my willpower not to sit down on my porch and shove my nose into it. But I prevailed! I managed to wait about two weeks, for a trans-Atlantic flight I’d be taking. No sooner had I gotten into the car taking us to the airport than I cracked it open.

For the next 36 hours… I was hooked. I was reading GAME at every spare moment I had. I took a break for, like, doing vacation stuff with the fam, but other than that? I read GAME in the Vatican Plaza, y’all. It was legit. (Legit it may have been, but Billy Dent would never have approved. Dare I say he may have killed me for reading the story of his reign of terror on New York City at the centre of one of the biggest organized religions in the world? W/E. The irony was delicious.)

I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time talking about how I couldn’t put GAME down without telling you why. Let’s use bullet points!

• The scale is bigger. Lobo’s Nod ain’t got nuthin’ on NYC.
• There’s the promise of something bigger. Bigger than Billy. (I know, I was shocked too.)
• There’s all this buildup, all this tension that finally ends on about three different cliffhangers that all make you want to rip your hair out.

Hopefully I’ve made you want to check this series out. Was it the kind of book I wanted to keep close to my heart and never let go? No… but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Some books are for you and some books are for everyone, you know?

---

A Thousand Words:

Review: This is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith

If fate sent you an email, would you answer?

When teenage movie star Graham Larkin accidentally sends small town girl Ellie O’Neill an email about his pet pig, the two seventeen-year-olds strike up a witty and unforgettable correspondence, discussing everything under the sun, except for their names or backgrounds.

Then Graham finds out that Ellie’s Maine hometown is the perfect location for his latest film, and he decides to take their relationship from online to in-person. But can a star as famous as Graham really start a relationship with an ordinary girl like Ellie? And why does Ellie want to avoid the media’s spotlight at all costs?

Release Date: April 2, 2013
Publisher: Poppy
Edition: Hardcover, 416 pages (read: ARC)
Genre: Crime
Interest: Author (plus this premise is a frequent daydream of mine)
Source: Publisher (Thank you, Kaitlin!)

Jennifer E. Smith seems to have a window into the place inside my head I drift off to while I am supposed to be learning about physics. Her last novel, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight, or, as I affectionately refer to it in my head, SPoLaFS–I even say it like that, spolaughs–was about a girl flying to England for her father’s second wedding, who meets an attractive British boy. Said girl and said British boy then fall in love.

Like I said… she has a window to there.

Her latest novel, THIS IS WHAT HAPPY LOOKS LIKE, which I was fortunate enough to receive a copy of for review, is at once more realistic and more unrealistic. For one thing, the love story takes place over a summer, but for another, the male love interest is a movie star. (Now, when I’m supposed to be learning about optics, I sort of mash these two stories up and imagine meeting my own attractive British boy and having our own love story play out against the backdrop of the beaches of Maine. Not that I have anyone particular in mind. Not at all.)

Sorry about that. British people take up a good chunk of my brain. Anyway, back to this book’s boy: Graham. What I’m trying to keep in mind when I obsess over famous people is that no matter how good I think their lives are… they probably suck, and that the fraction of celebrities that actually seek help for their problems brought on by fame are just that–a fraction, compared to those of them that probably have it. Jennifer E. Smith portrays this well. Graham is surrounded by people, but is very lonely. I often say that I love being alone, but not lonely, and the difference between those two things is well illustrated in the book.

Ellie took a little longer for me to get used to. The way Smith carefully constructed her backstory to be such a foil to her and Graham’s love story was great, but it did mean that I couldn’t relate to Ellie’s guardedness as a character.

I think that of the three Jennifer E. Smith books I’ve read, this is the one that poses the least amount of deep questions. That being said, I still enjoyed it in its own way. Recommended for a fluffy beach read!

---

A Thousand Words:

Look, everyone, it’s Graham and Ellie!

The Weekly Watchamacallit #27

Weekend Reads:

• Scorch (Croak, #2) by Gina Damico

“But Reut,” you say. “You’ve already read this before!” Well indeed I have, nameless voice. But I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately, as you might’ve noticed. I needed something snappy to give me a pickmeup.

• Dark Triumph (His Fair Assassin, #2) by Robin LaFevers

And what’s more anti-slump than assassin nuns?

Stuff That’s Happening:

Not much exciting, but I did tweet something that made me feel very smart. Which I probably shouldn’t admit because it takes away from the awesomeness of the tweet… but WHO CARES? I noticed this while reading something on the Internet (okay, fine, it was fanfiction. Don’t tell.) that had probably my least favorite trope of all. The tweet says it all.

I hate the “heroine saved from rape by hero” trope. It’s not romantic to save someone from sexual assault; just human.

— Reut(@reutreads) May 14, 2013

Quote(s) of the Week:

“Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?”

– last words of Louis XIV

“You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again.”

– Fyodor Dostovevsky

“I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there’s nothing but light when I see you.”

– Shinji Moon

Song of the Week:

Think I Wanna Die by Somebody Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

Image(s) of the Week: 

These might be contradictory, but when am I not?

Have an amazing weekend.

The Weekly Watchamacallit #26

Weekend Reads:

• Shades of Earth (Across the Universe, #3) by Beth Revis

Stuff That’s Happening:

It’s spring here; the grass is finally green and pollen and flower petals drift through the wind and settle on everything. Unfortunately for me, this means itchy eyes, a dry throat, and a runny nose. I wake up in the middle of the night to blow my nose and have to try to fall asleep with my head tilted backwards so I don’t get snot dripping down my face. It is awful.

Allergies suck and I hate everything.

Quote(s) of the Week:

“I wait and ache.”

– Sylvia Plath

“I want passion, even if it’s harder and hurts more.”

– New Girl

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Song of the Week:

Let Her Go by Passenger

Therapy by All Time Low

Image(s) of the Week: 

 

Have an amazing weekend.

Guest Post: Samantha Durante, author of STITCH

მიესალმები, მეგობრები! That was Georgian for “hello, friends!”

Today I have Samantha Durante on the blog, author of STITCH, a paranormal/dystopian/romance, which sounds like a pretty badass combo to me. She’ll be talking about “Pre-Release Jitters,” which is something I have yet to experience, but you know… fingers crossed. This is an interesting insight into an author’s mind on release day!

---

What goes through an author’s mind leading up to the release of his/her book? Of course, every author’s experience is different, but speaking from the perspective of one author with a big release looming on the horizon, I can tell you one thing for sure – it’s A LOT.

I published my first book, Stitch, in the summer of 2012, and at the time of writing this post, I’m currently a little under 3 months out from the targeted release of its sequel, Shudder, in summer 2013. As you can imagine, things are getting down to the wire. My brain at the moment is basically a three-ring circus, with jugglers in every corner tossing flaming objects back and forth to one another while silently praying that they don’t drop anything and subsequently light up the entire tent.

So what exactly is it that’s keeping me up at night? Well, here’s a glimpse into what’s going on in my head at the moment. Take heed: It’s not going to be pretty. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

1. How do I make my book NOT SUCK?

Okay, I’ll be straight with you – I don’t think the current draft of my next book sucks. I actually think it’s pretty good. But I thought that about my last book, too, up until the day I released it, and then almost immediately after I realized that I hated it. And then I loved it again, and then I hated it, and so on and so forth, until one day I finally saw it for what it actually was: a book – and a pretty decent book at that – but one that, like most books, has its flaws.

So what I learned after my experience with Stitch is that it’s really not for many months after the book has been released that I can actually see it clearly. The problem is that in order to make the book the best it can be, I need to know what’s wrong with it before I publish it.

I’m still not quite sure how to accomplish this, but I can promise you one thing – I’m TRYING. Really, really hard. I’m thinking about my book constantly, before I fall asleep at night and first thing when I wake up in the morning, in the shower, while I’m cooking, when I’m supposed to be doing my day job… it’s always on my mind. Where are the problems and how do I fix them?

2. More importantly, how am I going to finish the damn thing on time??

I have a confession to make. The book is set to be released in T-3 months, and… I still haven’t finished the first draft yet.

!!!

I know that sounds crazy, but really, I have a plan – I know what’s going to happen in the remaining chapters, I just… need to find the time to write them. And I need to do it soon so that I still have plenty of time to get beta reader feedback and do some heavy revisions before I move into the formatting phase.

So, naturally, I’m stressing about this. My life isn’t exactly leisurely at the moment and I’m expecting that I need to find probably 20-30 hours to finish what’s left in the next two weeks. As many of you can probably understand, easier said than done!

3. And what about all the Other Stuff?

“What’s the ‘Other Stuff?’” you might ask.

Well, my friend, I’ll let you in on a little secret that I learned when I self-published my first book. There’s a LOT MORE that goes into a novel than writing it! Cover art, back-cover synopsis, editing, typography, print and e-book formatting, networking with bloggers, building reader engagement, website/blog/social media maintenance – you name it. I’m doing it all.

Believe it or not, this Other Stuff actually takes more time than writing the book does – and it’s only beginning when the book is released. Granted, this is all fun stuff (especially the reader/blogger interactions), so I can’t complain. But at the same time, if I drop the ball on ANY of this, either no book is produced, or my pretty little book sits lonely on an Amazon page that no one else knows exists. Either way, not good!

4. But am I really doing this marketing thing right??

Ah, this is one… this is one of those silent nagging worries that just gnaws away at you whenever things get quiet. Yes, I did my research, and I came up with a comprehensive marketing plan for my book. But the problem is, I never seem to see any correlation between what I do in the marketing department and how my book actually performs.

So that begs the question: is anything I’m doing really making a difference? And now that I’m doing it for a second book, should I be doing the same things?

This self-doubt is probably the hardest part of the indie experience – sometimes I just wish I had an experienced agent or publisher who could reassure me that, “Yes, what you’re seeing is normal, and what you’re doing is right – you just need to give it time.”

Luckily, I do have the thousands of voices of other indie authors who have shared their experiences online who are all saying those exact things, so that helps. But sometimes… I just wonder.

5. WHAT WILL THE READERS THINK???

Okay, this is the whopper.

Deep breaths. Don’t hyperventilate. It’s all going to be okay… right??

Of COURSE I’m nervous about what readers will think of the book! The entire reason I write is for the readers – because it’s an AMAZING experience to share a story you made up with a total stranger and see them get excited about it. (Readers, you truly are the best!)

I was very blessed with Stitch to find a whole host of people who loved it, and sure enough, I want them to LOVE the next one as well. But will they? Only time will tell…

Until then, deep breaths!

So there you are – a small window into the crazed mind of one author with a book that’s just about ready to pop. It’s disturbing, I know. But I did warn you, didn’t I?

Samantha Durante

— Social Media Links —

Facebook: Stitch Trilogy | Author Samantha Durante

Goodreads: Stitch | Shudder | Author Samantha Durante

---

Her heart races, her muscles coil, and every impulse in Alessa’s body screams at her to run… but yet she’s powerless to move.

Still struggling to find her footing after the sudden death of her parents, the last thing college freshman Alessa has the strength to deal with is the inexplicable visceral pull drawing her to a handsome ghostly presence. In between grappling with exams and sorority soirees – and disturbing recurring dreams of being captive in a futuristic prison hell – Alessa is determined to unravel the mystery of the apparition who leaves her breathless. But the terrifying secret she uncovers will find her groping desperately through her nightmares for answers.

Because what Alessa hasn’t figured out yet is that she’s not really a student, the object of her obsession is no ghost, and her sneaking suspicions that something sinister is lurking behind the walls of her university’s idyllic campus are only just scratching the surface…

The opening installment in a twist-laden trilogy, Stitch spans the genres of paranormal romance and dystopian sci-fi to explore the challenges of a society in transition, where morality, vision, and pragmatism collide leaving the average citizen to suffer the results.

Review: Nantucket Blue by Leila Howland

For Cricket Thompson, a summer like this one will change everything. A summer spent on Nantucket with her best friend, Jules Clayton, and the indomitable Clayton family. A summer when she’ll make the almost unattainable Jay Logan hers. A summer to surpass all dreams.

Some of this turns out to be true. Some of it doesn’t.

When Jules and her family suffer a devastating tragedy that forces the girls apart, Jules becomes a stranger whom Cricket wonders whether she ever really knew. And instead of lying on the beach working on her caramel-colored tan, Cricket is making beds and cleaning bathrooms to support herself in paradise for the summer.

But it’s the things Cricket hadn’t counted on–most of all, falling hard for someone who should be completely off-limits–that turn her dreams into an exhilarating, bittersweet reality.

A beautiful future is within her grasp, and Cricket must find the grace to embrace it. If she does, her life could be the perfect shade of Nantucket blue.

Release Date: May 7, 2013
Publisher: Hyperion
Edition: Hardcover, 304 pages (read: ARC)
Genre: Contemporary; romance
Interest: Beach read
Source: Publisher (Thank you, Kaitlin!)

Nantucket Blue by Leila Howland is the perfect beach read. The title itself is a clue to that — Nantucket, the beautiful island where the people are beautiful, the parties are wild, and no one locks their doors. Leila Howland does a fantastic job of evoking the New England vacation paradise. The beaches and the people–it all feels quite real.

I really loved the romance in this novel, because it is one of those romances that is hinted at and you sort of go, “oh, that could be interesting,” but then you sort of get distracted by other, shinier options and when the hinted-at romance comes along you sort of go, “Ah. That was what was missing all along.” Sort of like real life, actually, the way certain things are not always there at first glance. I am reluctant to give much away about the love interest but suffice it to say he is perfectly lovely.

But I digress: I also want to talk about the sex. I mean, what kind of ruled-by-hormones teenager would I be if I didn’t? The sex in Nantucket Blue is a marvellous thing in that it actually happens! Leila Howland knows teenagers and she knows the ways that sex influences their relationships. Again, I really don’t want to say too much about the romance in case of spoilers, but if the author ever reads this: please know, Ms. Howland, that I really enjoyed how you portrayed a teenage couple trying to figure out where they both stand in terms of how serious they want to go.

I’ll be honest with you, readers. I did not go into Nantucket Blue expecting to love it, but I was very pleasantly surprised. A likeable main character who is just trying to figure herself out and fit into the Nantucket bubble, a sweet romance, and even a little bit of mystery make this the perfect summer read. Recommended, especially for the beach.

---

A Thousand Words: Nantucket Blue in an image

(This is something new I’m trying out in my reviews. A picture is worth 1,000 words, so why not try to encapsulate the essence of a book in an chosen image?)

I picked this picture because it actually brings to mind a really key scene from the book. Plus I just love the contrast of kissing and watching kissing, which is essentially the contrast of voyeurism vs. exhibitionism. Yay for metaphor!